So...umm

Yeah, I skipped College today. There was 2 reasons for it.

1) I am skint and my bus pass ran out yesterday, so physically can't afford college, unless I chance it with an out of date bus pass. Which I don't want to do, cause they may just take the pass off me, including my college card. Which they have done before.

2) I was very, very upset yesterday. Im hoping I am just 'dipping' because my meds have been changed, but I dont think thats it. I was so close to phoning the Samartians because I just wanted to throw myself of something and end it all. Pretty severe, when you think that the medication is supposed to stop me feeling like that. But after I blogged, I went to the toilets and had a cry.

*sigh*
Anyways. I lay in bed this morning reading Death Note, and feeling sorry for myself. When I am like that, I am better just lying, locked away from everyone, cause I'll just say something stupid.

I still haven't done any work, although I sat and drew at my work last night. I say I draw, it wasn't anything spectacular, but it was all I could do from walking out of my work last night, and never going back. Whats bugging me, is that how am I supposed to make sure I am doing everything for a customer, when the call center manager is on my back telling me to hurry up and get on the next call. If I need to email another department, I can't. And that is not helping me at all, when I am feeling this stressed.


Just focusing on Saturday, where I'll be up in Aberdeen with two of my oldest friends, Sharon and Gemma. Its Gemma's birthday night out. I'm just looking to clear my head, so am really looking forward to it. Its kind of like the light at the end of the tunnel. Reminds me, I need to get Gemma and Sharon bday things on Friday, when I get paid.

Shinigami Like Apples

Actually quite happy for a Monday.
Although I have spent all weekend watching and reading Death Note. I seriously am dreading the Hollywood remake of it. They are supposedly moving the story from Japan to LA. The fact that the story is set in Japan, and that that is a major factor throughout the plot. Stupid Hollywood, why can't you leave things alone. Its bad enough I can no longer think of anyone but Zac Efron playing Light, but then they say, he might not do that. Eugh.

Also, why am I the only person who thinks that Misa and Matsuda would have made a good couple, rather than Misa and Light. Both Misa and Matsuda are immature and childish in how they act. I think they'd have this understanding that Light doesn't have with Misa.

Anyways, if you are wondering why there is an absence of college mentioning in this blog, then that is because I have done sweet FA all day and all weekend. Talk about fail. I sat on Cafe World again *rolls eyes*. Well that and was reading stuff on Death Note and Saiyuki. Kinda obsessed with them both.

Get more Death Note on Friday. YAAAAASSSS!!!
I also get paid on Friday. YAAAAASSSS!!!!
And Aberdeen on Saturday. YAAAASSSSS!!!!

*Thats a lot of yass-ing*

*Also incidentally, there is someone called Misa Matsuda lol*

*yawn*

Was pretty productive again today at college. When I say productive, it means I was working on my project all the time I was in college. I stayed away from the computers, so I wasn't distracted by facebook, or twitter. I mean I waste all my free time, on stupid things such as them. Its always FarmVille and Bejewelled that I spend ages on. Don't get me wrong, I love playing stupid games, but its horrible when I know I have more important things I should be doing. I am spending ages on my thumbnails, which is me being behind. I was supposed to be on developement, so I'm a stage behind. But I am putting a hell of a lot of work on it now, which is something I wasn't doing before.

In the money front, I was budgeting my £14 for the rest of the week (till I get paid next friday) and my dad said 'I can give you £20 if you want'. And I thought 'woo hoo' more money to spend -.- That is not the way this is supposed to go. Let me budget, and I can make money last, but give me more, and I'll just spend it all on nothing, probably. *rolls eyes* I mean I have already had a loaner of Paul, a mate a college, and I really don't want to be owing more people money. Its not like I don't pay it back, its just I hate having to resort to borrowing. I am in such a mess this month. I am writing out an action plan for when my wages come back, and who I owe money to.

I usually get paid £700ish, so I pay £80 for digs
£39.for phone
£50 for nationwide
£50 for Mint
£20 to Paul
£20 to dad, if i take it.
So thats about £260. Which is ok, if I can do that.

Big If.

Productive

So, today was rather productive at college. Ok, I did sleep in again, but thats because it takes me till at least 4am to get to sleep. So when I do get to an unconcious state, I end up sleeping through my alarm, which is no good.

Anywho, handed in outcome 2 for vis com and worked on my Graphic Design sketch book. I feel happy with myself about that. Although I have been doing some work for my graphic design class, I am still way behind from where I need to be. Which is just bloody frustrating.Gonna try and do some more work for it tonight whilst at work, like between calls or something.

 Looks like its going to be another Freesat night, where customers call, and I can do very little. -.- Its very annoying, because I only have access to one system, and thats the one that runs the paid sky accounts on it. So freesat customers call and expect me to access their info, and I cant. Its annoying, and I can tell some of the customers are not happy about it. But its not my fault, I'm getting calls, I dont have the facility to deal with. I can order them new viewing cards, but thats it. Grrr

Also discovered my bus pass runs out next Tuesday, so I wont be able to get to college, and im gonna struggle with work too. *bangs head off wall* I never have enough money -.- So thats what I need, just as we are approaching project hand-ins, days off.

Music Monday

Well, what can I say?

Its still Monday, and I'm still not caught up on college stuff. *sigh*

 I am trying, but I always find more interesting things to do. Mostly reading or drawing something with that's got bog all to do with college work. I think I have a mental problem, where I see things I should do, and ignore it and waste my time on something else. Ok, Im not wasting my time. I am drawing, which makes me happy, so its not a waste.

 Been listening to SS-Kaliert today, and I love them. They are a German Punk band, and I have been obsessed with them for a while. I want their hoodie, well ist not theirs, but its a SS-Kaliert hoodie. I <3 A.G.or (wait for it) Benni. Ha bet noone saw that one coming. I have a thing for the name Benjamin obviously. Actually I love them all. lol. Its strange because I can't speak a word of German, and thats what they sing in. I like that, because I can't help feeling that if a band sings in English, there is something fake about it. Probably because usually the songs are written in their mother tongue, then translated into English. So SS-Kaliert dont have that problem. SS-Kaliert is taken from 'Es Eskaliert' which is German for 'It Escalates'.

Also liking an Italian ska band called Redska. Again this band sing in Italian, so I have no idea what they're saying, but they are so energetic, it doesn't matter. So they are on my ipod right now.

That weekend feeling again

Had Sarah's party last night, and it was pretty fun. :)

Got a wee bit hammered and had no sleep, but still fun. I was histerically laughing at a Christmas Pudding in Sarah's kitchen, and I can not for the life of me understand why it was so funny. But me and Paul were chatting in the kitchen, and I couldn't stop laughing. lol. I'm a wierdo.

I think I may have got an hours sleep, when I think about it. Was lying on the couch whilst Dale and Reilly watched tv. Also been chatting to Rachel, a girl I went to Vet Nursing with in Glasgow. We were quite close, and she randomly added me today. So she's maybe coming down to Dunfermline so might get to see her. Which will be so nice. I like meeting old friends as well as new ones. :)

Firday the 13th

Isn't Friday the 13th supposed to be unlucky? I'm asking because today has been an alright day. I woke up to having £2 in my pocket, so I raked my room and found another 8 pound coins and a heepload of change. So I took the change and went to Asdas and put it in the change counter machine, where it counts all the money you have, and gives you a voucher you can spend on store for the value of the change ypu give it. Well I got over £19. So I went into Asdas and got beer for Sarah's party tomorrow, and left in Dales car, as he is picking us up tomorrow to go to Hill of Beith.

Gonna be well good, actually quite excited about that. No had a drink since Halloween, and even that wasn't very much.

Also Death Note is on Film4 tonight. :D So happy at that, I am going to order the DVDs, but it'd be nice to see them first. The films are based on a manga series, which I love. <3 Its about a guy who finds a notebook, called a 'Death Note'. It has been dropped by a shingami (grim reaper) called Ryuk. Once a name is written in this death note, if the writer has their face in mind, then they will die. It is really quite good, and I am reading my way through the manga as well.

So unless work is diabolical, its been a rather nice Friday the 13th

Total Crabbit

Everything about me today, just screams out 'leave me alone'. I mean my mohawk, Dr Martins and chains just scream out niceness. I'm just in a really bad mood. I couldn't sleep last night, and think I eventually got some sleep around 5am. I need to get up at 7, but because I hadn't had much sleep, I slept straight through my alarm, and woke up at 9.10. I started at 9. So I got up, got ready and went for the bus. Found out that some bill I forgot about came out my bank and I am left with £15 till the end of the month. So no happy.

I just wanna lie in my bed and never wake up. I hate this bit, because my medication was changed yesterday, so I am kinda at the point were my old meds are stopping working, and my new ones haven't kicked in, yet. It irks me rather badly. So I am sitting at the computers in college listening to music and just being in a wee world of my own. Thank god for my ipod, its really good at giving me noise to filter out the voices in my head.

I'm kinda wanting to do work for my graphic design project, but I left it all at home, just fantastic isn't it? So I am dreading what is round the corner for me, as I have a feeling this will only get worse. *sigh* But thats just ne and my immense positivity at the moment. The thing is, I am just so not in the mood for any shit. I don't need much of an excuse. It doesn't help that the three most distracted people in the class came around me and started fannying about, so I gave up and went onto facebook, and started FishVille a game where you buy, sell and raise fish. :/ Yeah when I need distracted, obviously anything will do.

Eventful day

had my doctors appointment today, and I have been told I have borderline-schizophrenia. Fun. *rolls eyes* I kinda had been expecting that, I mean after what I had been advised before. Its just a bit like, 'oh, now what'. It feels like, all they've done is given the way I'm feeling a name. It could have been called anything, and it really wouldn't change the way I feel. It just means its another entry in my medical history and another medication, to see if it works better than the last one. Thats what has to be done, the doctor said, a bit of trial and error. When I said I was depressed, people say 'everyone has days like that', when I mention about the schizophrenia, people don't say anything, they change the subject. And that hurts so much. I want to talk to my friends, but they do say 'well I have worse problems'. And you know what, thats not my fault. Do they think I am doing this to get attention? I'd do anything to stop thinking like this. To stop feeling that every person who says something nice to me is lying, or is wanting something from me. So my overthinking means that I can't trust anyone.

*sigh*

Because I was, obviously, in a mood, I switched on my ipod and managed to actually get work done for my project, which is to be handed in tomorrow. And that has made me feel better, just cause it looks a lot better. Still got loads to do though, think I'll be up all night tonight trying to get it done. Saying that, I may scan in work I was going to do last night, before the power cut off. Yeah the power failed last night, which ended up in me playing around on photoshop. Till my laptop battery died.

Oh, doctor wants me to quit work. I can't. Im the only earner at my house at the moment, and I cant go on the sick, cause I will lose my job. Yeah, don't be sick, or sky will fire me. Fucking pish, the lot of it.

Tuesday Tuna?

Ok I couldn't think of anything to go with Tuesday. lol

I stayed behind cause I decided that I would do some college work. Well, guess what, I'm obviously not.  The most productive I  have got is demoloshing this packet of Hula Hoops I am demolishing. -.- Oh well. Decided because I am working later, and the copy and paste fucntion at work is rather sucky, I am gonna do my blogging here, at college. What? At least its better than wasting more of my time on blasted Bejewelled.

I am becoming known as the most frequent blogger in college, mostly because I am the only one who does it. *eye roll* I think I do it way too much, personally, but I can't help it when I like to write shit.  I already talk enough useless garbage, so I don't think the peeps in my life would appreciate it if I  times that by ten. I love college, and I don't mind work either, but I have a lot of gumpf in my head, that wants to escape. So rather than spew it all on the beautiful peoples around me, I blog.  *thinks* I am truely sorry for the visual that may have produced.

 

Also Meme time---

It's November and this month is about giving thanks, tell us a few of the musical things that you are thankful for, be it albums, shows you've seen, electronics you've bought etc. Whatever has made your musical life better in the last year.

Seriously, probably SS Kaliert. I really got into Deustch Punk  in the last year, and this was the band that got me into that whole scene. Have been to see them twice, and they are the nicest bunch of guys. Its always a great experience meeting one of your favourite bands, when they are so nice.

 

Error

Sorry, been focusing on getting my Livejournal up to date. Gonna start X-posting again cause this needs to be updated. I looks awful sad, because I haven't updated in a while.

For that I am sorry. I always forget to blog, as I am lazy, and really cant be bothered logging on to sites, just to have no one read my stuffs. But then, I realised that is not the reason I started an blog. I blog because I find it therapeutic, as odd as that sounds.

I have been blogging a lot of Good Charlotte stuffs at the moment. So from now on everything apart from my fictions will be posted here.

Anywho, laters.