Motivation such an aggrivation

What is happening?

I am so lazy right now. It feels like everything I am attempting to draw is so bad right now. And more often or not, I get fed up and just give up. It's so frustrating.

It also feels strange that I am not going back to college this year. All the people I have spent the last few years with are either going back, or going elsewhere. 4 years in a row I went to college, and it really did change my life.

Before I went to college I had a few friends, but 1 really close friend who treated me like crap. But college helped me meet a lot more people who I had a lot in common with. And it kinda helped me make proper friends, and feel a bit more appreciated. I now have people who I trust a lot in my life, and it makes me feel better about me.

Which leaves me a bit gutted, cause that period of my life is over. But its on to the next chapter, and hopefully it will go as well as the one that's just closed. Fingers crossed.

Angst

I have already said how I had to bail the course and my reasons for doing so.

Well, today I had to explain to one of my tutors why I was doing it. He was alright actually, but I hated telling him. It felt horrible.

But I did manage to get my website sorted a bit. That's right, I know own the domain, http://riot-graphics.co.uk. At the moment there is nothing on line, because the server is being sorted out so I can add my files for the site.

This has made me so happy. Its like after all this planning something is getting me somewhere. I am building my base page, and should get that finished tonight. :) And it will be uploaded to the service tomorrow. This feels like I am achieving something.

Updateez

Ok, this week has been a bit of a minefield, with my brain wanting to explode on me.

I have been left with the dilemma on whether I should finish college this year. I mean I have already decided that I am not returning to the world of education this year. Why? Because I hate it.

To put a few things straight here, I don't hate everything. I hate my work being in direct comparison with others, when whether its better or no, makes no difference.  I hate the atmosphere. The college seems to be such an uninspiring place at times. Because everything is in an open enviroment, as in one big room, lots of classes within that room,  and if one person decides to fuck around, it distracts everyone.

Well, I've spent my last few weeks of bloggie silence to think about what I want to do. Because I have been so uninspired at college, and I work every night, I have fallen behind in my work very easily. And it gets to the point where I was wondering whether I should rush everything, just to pass, when I know that passing grade won't get me anywhere, due to me not continuing with education. Is it not better, that I take time over my projects, do a good job, and use them to build my portfolio? I think that is a lot more beneficial to me.

Now don't get me wrong, I liked the course, and I love the people at the college, it's just everyone gets to the point where that can no longer work in that enviroment. To me, in the overall task of getting my business up and running, this is the best decision.

Its kind of taking a step backwards, before you can go forwards.

A Cliff To Climb

I am still making steady progress on the mountain of work I need to have done within the next week. Today I completed 3 pages for Shaun's website. AND I finally managed to get a contact form sorted out, with the help of Paul.

So I have a bio page, which is just going to be writing, so I am planning that tonight at work, and will type it up when I get home. Then I have the portfolio, which will be done using 'lightbox', a javascript item, which gives your site a pop-out gallery thing. I have done Lightbox before, so I'm not really that worried, I will just fill it in with different colours untill Shaun gives me any images he wants to be in it.

So, that is a major unit, pretty much done. This one is important, because I know I have to design my own site, and get it online over the summer. So its good to know, I have only really come across one bump. And that was getting the contact form to display on the desired page. But that was more me, putting the wrong size for the container box (25555 px wide, when the site is 1028 px, d'oh). So yeah, me and Dreamweaver are good pals right now.

Going to be busy this weekend, need to try and get my t-shirt designs sorted and sent to the print shop, for pickup next  Saturday.  So yeah, get one thing done, but its not even a dent on what I still have to do. :S

I'm in overload

Sooo...progress from both sides today.

Got some more of Shaun's website designed, and its looking a wee bit better. It has a welcome banner and everything. So kinda happy that is getting somewhere. But nothing else is. :/

It's like I have so much to do, I don't know where to start. Most of it has to be in on Monday, and to be honest, that is kind of an unreachable target. *sigh*

But, I spoke to Caron, my tutor, today, and she showed me a bit about where the exhibition will be, and it looks a good space. And she said that I could put a few of my t-shirt designs up. So I need to have them ready to be picked up for next weekend, so they can be put in the exhibition come Monday/Tuesday. So I need to get the designs ready to be sent in by next Wednesday, so I can pick them up on Saturday. And at the moment they are still being finalised.

Graeme, web design tutor, told me about a company called Be Your Own Boss, where they partner with Scottish Enterprise, and they help people get their business off the ground. So I sent them an email, in hope that they will be able to help me.  I hope.

Way too much stuff going on right now. My brain is about 3 different places at once. :S

Stressfully Numb

Still stressed, and still not much further ahead. *sigh*

But I magically found time to do this :-



Isn't it brilliant how I always find time to blog. *rolls eyes* To be honest it does relax me, and helps me get out all my agro out. So I am half way through 'The History of New Media' which is good.
But because of my laptop's tendancy  to overheat itself, I ended up going on to Play.com and looking ath Laptop coolers. Saying that, it will make things a lot better, as my laptop will be able to site on my knee or my bed, and work without getting too hot.

So yeah.

Over Stressed

Today started off well. I went into college and did work on my Graded Unit. Was actually quite chuffed, cause I did a lot. Actually did about 12 pages of developement work. Which made me rather happy, and totally motivated about the project. So was happy, and for a change felt I had spent time in college well.

That was untill I went to Web Design, and completely wanted to cry. The class was so noisy, and something as simple as adding a contact form onto a website, did not work. *sigh* So I ended up in a two hour class, and the only outcome was that I wanted to kill myself :/

So I finished this afternoon, totally dejected and just wanted to go home.  Then, to top off my feeling of uselessness, I lost my bus pass. As in, I had it this morning, and now its gone. Where the issue is, that I have no money, and can't afford to go to either college or work. *sigh*

So I have such a headache cause of all this, and I just want to cry, everytime someone asks how I am doing.

No Happy

If you know me, then you are likely to know that I have been having issues, with a lot of my internet accounts being hacked. *sigh*

It all started with the college, and the fact that the majority of their PCs have been getting viruses, which are 'infostealers'. For the uniniciated, infostealers, steal info, like passwords, sites you visit, etc. Well, these viruses seem to be on the network, so every PC seems effected.

Well at the start of the week, I access my facebook, youtube and hotmail account, and my details were sent somewhere. Facebook  went on shut down, after someone tried to access my account from North America, when I am in Scotland.

If that was not enough, some dodgy emails were sent from my hotmail, my youtube videos were deleted and twitter password changed.

So last night, I went and changed all my details, and thought all would be ok. Well, today I recieved a call from Ticketmaster, saying they attempted to take a £400 bill out of my bank. I was raging. Then facebook locked me out AGAIN, then I went to YouTube, and all these animal sex videos were uploaded on my account. WTF!!!!!

To be honest, its making me very reluctant to using the college PCs for anything. But I know I need to. *AAAAARRRRGGGHHHH*

Brighter note, I passed a unit on digital imaging or something. Which is good. Also passed an animation test today. So progress is finally happening, well, progress of sorts

Muse-day

Another day gone, and another day closer to the unreachable deadline.

I went to college today, and got really, really frustrated with the fact that I couldn't get anything done. So everythings due in, and I have done nothing. *bangs head off wall*

My graded unit book does look pretty awesome, but its the general layout and not the volume of work which gives that appearance. Which is sad. I do love it though. Its like a wee child, so I want it to do well. (How sad do I sound?)

I'm gonna try and get some more drawings done tonight, for it, so that I can at least appear that I have done some developement. The horrible thing is that my other project is nowhere near this one. *sigh*

Talk about fail :(

Big wheels keep on rollin'...

Aye, so there's been no updates, due to crap internet, and crap me, being too busy to :P

Its approaching 1am and I am doing college work. Shocked? So am I.

But seriously, I am seriously close to just bombing this course because I haven't been bothered by anything the last few weeks. Which has just lead to me being a very stressed out Sue. *sigh* I do this every year. :( I wish I had more brainpower sometimes. It would be handy, for when I decide to go and watch videos rather than do college work. *She says as she blogs away*

I am an obsessive person, so things such as vlogging and blogging got in the way of me doing actual work. *sigh* But, again, I can't blame anyone but myself. I either work slowly, or I stress myself out to the point, I just stare at the PC, completely devoid of emotion. :( It's no good, like.

Anywho gonna put on SLC Punk, and do work when that is on. I have stuff to print out, and scanning to do. And stress lines to deepen across my forehead.  Wish me luck.

Today is Notsome

I am stressing. Again!

I have stuff due in for Gillian, from the first semester, where I went all stupid, and didn't hand things in :/

I also have to hand my Graded unit in for marking next week. The developement is where most of the score comes from, and do you want to know how much I have done? Absolutely sweet FA. :(

It's all my fault, I have been total uninspired over the last few days. Also next Thursday, I need my first animation finished, and all the paper work done, like my storyboards handed in, again, this is not done either.

So stressing out about that, and I come into work, to be told that my manager will listen to a few of my calls. :( I hate that, it makes me feel like everything I am doing will be scrutinised.

I suppose that needs to be done.

Hopefully I don't fuck it up too much. ButI know me, and I probably will make a complete disaster out of it.

I wish I was at home.

Rome wasn't built in a day...

Good news, everybody.

I have made progress in three of my college projects, Graded Unit, Art & Design Project and Web Design.

I know this doesn't seem like very much at all, but I was working in college from 9am, seeing as I had no classes, it seemed like a good idea. Well, despite the fact that the college was so noisy, I still managed to get some work done. I am so happy,  because usually, the slightest noise is enough to throw me off, and my concentration levels plummet. 

I always seem to get motivated late, like way after I should. If I had worked like this throughout the year, then I would have been ok, and not late with anything. But, alas, I'm just not that perfect, so hence me rushing about like an idiot, last moment.  *rolls eyes*

But at least, it's a start

Workity Work Work

So.

Here I am, actually attempted to kick start my motivation again. And I am doing so with my Art & Design project. I am going to be honest, in the space of a month in a half since my last relevent update, I have done virtually no work.

I know, I know. Its really, really bad. *scolds herself*

I have attenpted more research, but I'm still not done. So I am attempting to get it all done this afternoon, and start getting a bit more excited about this project. Because right now, I have not put the time into it, so right now I feel nothing towards it.

Which is making it so much harder to get anything done. So, I am decided, that today is going to be about making myself do this work, and hopefully get more attatched to it. I mean, if I can get excited about it, it would be a lot easier.

Also, I was looking over some old sketch book, and these seem to have really inspired me, to get things done with this. Because I used to pick up influences from everywhere, and it really helped me with my work. I really need to start that again. So I went and bought a book, which will be used as a scrapbook/diary. Which is something I haven't done in years.

So Fingers crosses it all works.

Funday?

So, today the most productive thing I have done this weekend is posting two Vlogs on Youtube and read Twilight.

I have Flash open, so I have gone through the motions of trying to get work done, but as of yet, I have made no progress. As for everything else, nadda been done there either.  :(

*sigh* I remember being at primary school, and I always did loads of work, and even did extra credit stuff, I was such a geeky kid. Then as I grew through high school, that resolve to doing loads of work, fell apart, and I found my self starting to fail subjects. Like English. I always write and I love reading, but yet I flunked higher English. It wasn't that the stuff was hard, it was more challenging, it was that I couldn't be bothered. Everything felt like too much of an effort. Which just left me frustrated

Well this frstration has continued through the rest of my education, be it the Vet Nursing or the Graphic Design. There have been a few years, where I have done really well, but most of it, I have just barely scraped a pass. And I get more frustrated and beat myself up. And that makes want to do work even less. Its a nasty circle, and I don't know if its ever going to end.

The one thing that has changed, is that I am now feeling that I no longer HAVE to do college to be successful. Surely if I am creative, it will speak for itself and I will get work. But from looking around, things aren't that simple and most employers in the creative sector require you to have some sort of formal training. Which is infuriating. I mean if someone has a good eye for design, or a good style, then surely that should be better than a certificate?

Doesn't skill out-rank grade? It irritates me to no end, that if you want to be successful in this world, then you need to have to have some kind of college degree. I'm not wanting a formal job, I am pretty much decided that I am going to freelance. But I guess only time will tell if that will work or not.

*sigh*

Check out my latest Vlog:

Motivation Such An Aggrivation

So.

Because I am so addicted to Youtube at the moment, I have decided to link one of my other projects to it. For my final animation I have to do something for my website, a short animation which runs for like 20 seconds. What I decided to do was do an animation entrance into my website, and actually use it as an #intro' to my Vlogs on youtube.

I think that will be a good idea, and it does make me want to go and start this now. Also , I have talked about before, how I had to do an animated e-card, and I was going to do it on Beltaine (the fire festival). Well, it was too hard to get it the way I wanted it to look. So I decided to swap the holiday to Halloween. Mostly because I was getting so frustrated that I was not wanting to even look at the stuff.

So this should make this a bit easier. I am already further ahead than what I was on my old animation. It features a cat, and a pumpkin, and I KNOW it sounds really cliched, but its something easy to do. And because I am scrapping my old one, and I have to hand it in by Monday. Thats about 4 days to do a whole animation and re-do all the planning.

Aaaaaarrrrgggghhhh!

But it has me excited over the fact that soon I could have a full animated intro to my Vlogs. *Yay*

Other than my animation, I am now designing Shaun's portfolio site as part of my web design unit. I have done his banner for his site, and I'm going to hopefully start laying it out sometime over the last week. But at the moment I am sorting out his images, and getting all the content ready, so I can just go straight on and build the site. So things seem t0 be starting to move on that front.

Good times. :D

I just have to hope it stays like that. *crosses fingers*

Holiday Work?

So I'm off college for two weeks. :) And I have decided ro do a lot of work, to catch up on everything.

So first proper day of holiday and I wake up at midday. Which leads to me lounging around and doing nothing till I venture out for work later on. So, kind of not productive, when you consider other than making a toasted cheese sandwich, this blog is the most productive I have been all day. lol

Oh well. I'm going to try and get some stuff tonight when I come home from work. Gonna put on the Watchmen DVD, and just relax, and play catch up on everything. :) Well, I am going to sit and get my thumbnails sorted for my graded Unit. I got a C last year for my Graded Unit, so my aim is to blow that result out the water this year. So far, the project is a lot cleaner and a lot more detailed, I just hope I can keep that up :-?

I suppose it was my birthday weekend, so I'm trying not to be so harsh on myself, as that usually brings what little motivation I have to a stop. So I'm trying to not stress out about it. I am going to try and sort my room out tomorrow, because it is covered in sketchbooks, clothes and empty fag packets.

I know, its such a sexy image :P

xx

Website designing, or should that be attempting?

Nobody seems to appreciate the amount of planning that goes into making a webpage for anything. Its all coding and very complicated, well complicate till you learn how the coding works.

Anywho, finished my website planning today. Which is nice to have that done and dusted, though I know for a fact its not as good as it should be, because I started rushing. And trust me, it wasn't for lack of trying, that the work wasn't done. I mean, I sat in front of the computer for about 8 hours trying to work, and getting nowhere cause I was sick. *sigh*

From having a look at a lot of websites, it seems that a lot of them are written in a 'blog' format. I think that this is because it makes the site easy to use, and everybody and their dog seems to have some kind of blogging site these days. *Me, I have like 6 blogs from blog sites and that's not including Myspace, Twitter, etc*

Website has switched back to Riot Graphics, instead of Phsychobabble. I was put off because there was another site on Myspace called Riot Graphics *:( <----my face at finding that out*. Well, last night I eventually had the guts to check it out and see what my competition is. It was a site for Paramore graphics and photos. A site which has not been accessed in almost 2 years. You have no idea how relieved that makes me. :) I have talked to a lot of bands through Myspace, as a matter of getting work, and to think that another company had the same name as mine, made me want to cry.

But, all is good on that front, so I decided to go back to Riot Graphics, and used Psychobabble for a project when I get things sorted a bit.

I have been using Riot Graphics for about 3 years now, and I like it. I can even think of how I got the name. Hmmm *thinks*

Anyways, I got to go to the job that is paying for my bills right now :(

So toodles. xx :P

Get Down With The Sickness

Uch :(

Still not feeling much better, if anything I am feeling worse. It started off as the flu, which then turned into a rather nasty cold and finally it is an ear infection.:/ Its my birthday this weekend, and I can sense it'll be in my bed. Not so nice, likes.

Anyway, I am having a wee break from doing work, or trying to do work, and been having a wee look through the internet, to try and find inspirational websites for influencing my website I'm designing. I am bad enough doing things normally, without feeling half dead.

So this is just a quick update, whilst I try to get motivated again. But I found this website during my ambling.Its a site by a guy called Adam Amaral, I like the hand drawn menus and things. Check it out - http://www.adamamaral.com/

Barbie Girl

Ok for my animation 'e card', I am creating a small animation for a holiday of my choice, and I am choosing Beltaine. Its a Wiccan festival of fire, which happens every spring. I have read into it, and it seems to be way of getting nature to allow crops to grow, etc.

Anyway, I was initially going to hand draw the animation, which was to have a witchy person casting spells, with sparks everywhere as the magic was cast. I came across a road block because I can't seem to be able to draw what I want. :( I was not happy. Sooo..... I went and bought a barbie, with the idea of animating it like Stop motion. 

So the plan is to photograph all parts of the doll, import them into photoshop, where I can then edit them, so that the doll can wear what I want it to.



Also planning a trip through to see if there are any exhibitions in Edinburgh, going through with Paul. I like art galleries and I never get to go. So hooray for that.

Also hooray for the awesome-ness of Links Market in Kirkcaldy.

Life is good.

Sometimes. :) xx

So.....still kind of ill :( I had the flu last week, and I am now suffering from the cold. I was getting at the stage where I thought I was getting better, and into a 'swing' with things, I just end up wanting to lie in bed all day and do nothing.

So, not in the best working situation right now, and it's noone's fault bar mine.  I have two weeks off coming up, and going to spend all my time working on my projects. Its a lot of work, but I should be ok.  The plan is to blitz my projects one-by-one, and get them all up to date. I am falling behind, again, and I need to stop blaming other things.

Its MY work, so it's MY responsibility to get it done.

I can do my own work no problem, but its this whole concept on getting my creativity to work on a schedule. I suppose that's why I am in college, to learn how to do things like that. To be honest, that is the hardest thing to do, as I work well to my own timescales, but as soon as someone else gives me a schedule to work off, I just come to a stop. Its like I can't be creative to someone else's demands. Again, it's just learning that, I suppose.

See me and my rebellious creativity XD